Article
Q: "Is forgiving someone and also loving them a hard thing to do?"
A: Well, yes it is sometimes. In Ephesians 4:32 it says to "Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." We are commanded by this and other passages to forgive others when we are wronged. In a famous passage one of Jesus followers asked Him, "How many times should I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
Jesus responded, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times" (Matt 18:21-22). Other versions say that Jesus said 70 times 7, or even 70 times 70, but either way the point is the same. Jesus was saying that we should forgive so many times that we lose count.
Jesus goes even further in Luke and says that if someone sins against you 7 times each day, and 7 times each day asks you to forgive him, you must forgive that person each time(Luke 17:4). That is a lot of forgiving. I think I'd try to make sure that guy didn't live next door to me.
But what does "forgiving" someone mean? Does it mean that I have to pretend that nothing ever happened? Does it mean that I have to continually let myself be hurt? Does Jesus just expect His people to be pushovers and abused by everyone all around them?
Well, forgiveness means to "not hold something against someone." If someone strangles you with your iPod earphone cord (not to death) and then asks you to not hold it against them. You must not hold it against them. But that doesn't mean that you loan them your iPod again 5 minutes from now, or even that you fall asleep with them in the room.
That gets to the heart of forgiveness really (strangely enough as that example was). When we keep anger and resentment in our hearts, we are only causing our inner-self to rot from the inside out. We aren't hurting the person we are angry at, we are hurting ourselves. Some of the most miserable people I have known were people who kept deep hurts inside them. Sadly, what made them miserable was not that some horrible thing had happened to them in their past (even though they often think that is the reason), but that they kept that hurt inside of them and refused to have forgiveness.